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“You don’t have to hold your breath whilst driving through tunnel" says Health Minister

The Health Minister has today confirmed that it is not actually a health risk to drive through the tunnel without holding your breath....

Dec 17, 20181 min read

Islanders 'in favour' of surrounding wall

Jersey people have voted to build a wall around the Island in an attempt to ensure the islands heritage is free from outside contaminants...

Dec 17, 20181 min read

‘Building is useless waste of money’ declares God

God has said the Former Odeon cinema on bath street is a useless waste of money and was better as a cinema than it is as a church....

Dec 16, 20181 min read

Jerriais will be Jerseys first language after Brexit

Jerriais, or Jersey French is to return as the first language of Jersey on March 30th, 2019. The language has not been widely used for...

Dec 15, 20181 min read

Frenchman killed with cross bow whilst swimming in St Ouens bay.

A French man has been killed whilst attempting to swim into St Ouens bay. Jerseys ancient laws dictate that the practice of killing...

Dec 14, 20181 min read

Pasta from the market, ‘Actually not that nice’ say public.

The popular eatery’s food isn’t as it good as everyone likes to make out say the public. ‘The place is popular A-level students, who...

Dec 14, 20181 min read

‘We ARE NOT open Christmas Day’ insists B&Q

The popular DIY store have insisted they are not opening on Christmas day despite online rumours in various social media forums. ‘We’re...

Dec 13, 20181 min read

Elizabeth Castle chosen as new Hospital Site.

After millions of pounds of spending the States of Jersey have confirmed Elizabeth Castle will be the sight for the new Hospital. "We’re...

Dec 13, 20181 min read

St Catherine’s Wood to become islands only smoking area

Under new plans to be implemented in the new year, all public areas, especially St Helier will be smoke free. The area of St Catherine’s...

Dec 12, 20181 min read

Visiting Ransoms Pet Corner with children IS NOT a day out says Ransoms

Visiting the pet’s corner at the garden is centre is the highlight of most children’s weekends. Ransoms have said that ‘This is not, and...

Dec 11, 20181 min read

Islands Dementia patients ‘forget’ how to use Dementia memory app

Patients who have been using a new app, designed to jog the long term memory functions of dementia patients in the island, have forgotten...

Dec 11, 20181 min read

Mulcaster Street to become ‘Open Air Nightclub’ between 11:00PM and 2:00AM on Saturdays.

The Parish of St Helier have decided to turn Mulcaster Street into an open-air night club on Saturdays. “We’re delighted to announce this...

Dec 10, 20181 min read

Jersey Ask Advise Advertise to become new political party.

The founders of the Jersey Ask Advise Advertise Facebook group are to become a new political party. The group have said ‘We’ll be looking...

Dec 10, 20181 min read

Diversity Policy ‘Total B*llocks’ says white middle class states majority.

Members of the states have voted against prioritising diversity in the island. The chief minister department has said: ‘Diversity is not...

Dec 9, 20181 min read

Women ‘Too stupid to discuss tax’

A scrutiny panel hearing this week caused outrage when it was said that ‘women just can’t handle their tax affairs, this is why husbands...

Dec 8, 20181 min read

States CEO attempted to claim Income Support despite £250,000 salary

The CEO of Jerseys states CEO has attempted to claim income support despite a huge salary. The salary on average is about the same as 10...

Dec 7, 20181 min read

Striking for 2 hours ‘a bit pointless’ say States

The States of Jersey have said the 2-hour strike from Civil Servants is a ‘bit pointless’ despite. The states confirmed they have the...

Dec 7, 20181 min read

60% of Jersey Police ‘Just Don’t like’ the other 40%

A recent report from States of Jersey Police confirmed that 60% of police officers would not recommend working as a police officer...

Dec 6, 20181 min read

Ferry Company admits Liberation design ‘Based on bath toy’

Jersey’s largest ferry operator have confirmed the design of the Liberation is based on a children’s bath boat. The engineering firm who...

Dec 6, 20181 min read

Quayside Café gets Michelin Star

The Quayside Café on the Albert Pier in St Helier is to be given a Michelin Star. The Michelin inspectors claimed the food was, “Unlike...

Dec 6, 20181 min read

The Jersey Mash

News & Opinion

“You don’t have to hold your breath whilst driving through tunnel" says Health Minister

Islanders 'in favour' of surrounding wall

‘Building is useless waste of money’ declares God

Jerriais will be Jerseys first language after Brexit

Frenchman killed with cross bow whilst swimming in St Ouens bay.

Pasta from the market, ‘Actually not that nice’ say public.

‘We ARE NOT open Christmas Day’ insists B&Q

Elizabeth Castle chosen as new Hospital Site.

St Catherine’s Wood to become islands only smoking area

Visiting Ransoms Pet Corner with children IS NOT a day out says Ransoms

Islands Dementia patients ‘forget’ how to use Dementia memory app

Mulcaster Street to become ‘Open Air Nightclub’ between 11:00PM and 2:00AM on Saturdays.

Jersey Ask Advise Advertise to become new political party.

Diversity Policy ‘Total B*llocks’ says white middle class states majority.

Women ‘Too stupid to discuss tax’

States CEO attempted to claim Income Support despite £250,000 salary

Striking for 2 hours ‘a bit pointless’ say States

60% of Jersey Police ‘Just Don’t like’ the other 40%

Ferry Company admits Liberation design ‘Based on bath toy’

Quayside Café gets Michelin Star

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